Maddy Leigh

I am so proud of you.

Re-read that.

You deserve to hear those words. We don’t give ourselves the recognition and the kindness that we deserve. We give it to those around us, hoping we will get it in return. Even taking a few steps back, we are harder on ourselves than we are on our peers. We hold ourselves to higher expectations as if we make no mistakes. Though, when we do make mistakes, it feels as if we failed. If your best friend made the exact same mistake, is that all you’d ever see in them? No. You’d see the person who picked you up off the floor when you were at your lowest. You’d see the person who you can always count on making you smile when you are breaking down. You’d see this big heart because what we see in others, is what we have in ourselves.

I have been thinking so much lately about the person I am today and how much I have grown over the past few months and years. Would you have ever imagined your life looking, or feeling like this 4 or 5 years ago? Me neither. Yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s why:

Everything you’ve experienced in life has led up to this moment. All of the pain, all of the happiness, every single moment that you’ve breathed; it’s what makes you, you. No other person on the planet has seen what you’ve seen. That’s how we are all so unique. We can even look at the same thing and see it in a million different ways. Beautiful right? Yet, with no other person going through what you’ve been through, that comes with its thorns. Enduring times of doubt through the unknown. Persistently, you are returning a stronger, wiser individual because you have had to heal so much pain. Perhaps while reading this, right now, life has presented yet again, another storm. The rain may still be pouring today, but you made it through another day. I promise you are stronger than yesterday. You’re one step closer to a sunny day, or maybe even just a cloudy one because that’s more realistic.

When I was the lowest I have ever been in my life, I didn’t know if I could continue my everyday life as I once did. I didn’t understand why. But, my classes, my job, sleeping, breathing, it was all so much harder than it used to be. I was so close to giving up and withdrawing; anything was better than going. Then one day, I distinctly remember when everything changed.

Me, I was able to stop this downhill trend when I came across last semester’s Dean’s List. For those of you who know me, you know my academics mean a lot to me. Before the past 2 years, I would push myself to the edge for an A. I didn’t understand that my body was in danger. I just thought I was supposed to give this 110% all the time and GO, GO, GO. Since then, I have realized that though academics are important, they are not my priority. I am my own priority. I want to make that clear. But this Dean’s List reminded me why I was fighting so hard. I told myself, “If I do it, if I keep going, I wanna make the future Maddy proud. I don’t care if I try, fail, and fall hard. I know that if I at least TRY, I will be proud of myself.” I will never forget this moment.

So yeah, I decided to keep going, and long story short, I did make the Dean’s List. If I would’ve given up, I wouldn’t have. But it wasn’t about grades anymore. I wouldn’t have learned half the things I know about myself now. Because of that choice, I now get the honor to look back and see how much she persevered through the darkest time of her life, inching towards the smallest gleam of light. She is a fighter. She was broken, yet she somehow always smiled. Along with her wherever she may be, she brings happiness with her and spreads it like magical pixie dust.

I used to catch myself saying, I miss the old me. But honestly, I don’t. Yeah, she hadn’t been exposed to as much heartache, loss, and betrayal. She was happy in her own way. She was living the life that she needed. But the thing is, she can’t live this life now. I have gone through so many of those rainstorms and reflected, taking the good and bad, and acknowledging that the same rainstorm can’t happen twice. She doesn’t know anything about this. She was naive thinking every person in this world will treat her with kindness and love. Today I think every person in this world CAN treat me with kindness and love; it’s just up to them. Their behavior is not a reflection of me and who I am at all; I know that now.

Every day as humans, we take on new experiences, and we act upon them. We continuously observe the world and improve the next day. It’s our natural instinct to learn, grow, and become better versions of ourselves.

If you ever feel that you are stuck, lost, or have not progressed. Come back here and think about who you were and how much you have grown. Because darling, I know you are going to bloom like you deserve. Sometimes it takes a little longer for some to grow. Don’t measure your growth to others. They haven’t lived your life.