Maddy Leigh

I wish I didn’t still love you because you never loved me. How is it possible… To love someone still, this long who never loved you back? So I think to myself… You didn’t love me. Did I even love you? Sometimes, it was never meant to last from the start; and that’s okay. 

Did you even love them? Love is hard to find these days and everyone keeps discovering that they never actually fell in love in their relationships. Maybe this is due to the fact that love changes. It changes as you grow every day. It’s not going to be the same from relationship to relationship. It is not going to be the same as it was yesterday. It is not going to be the same as it was 5 years ago. Love changes you and changes with you. The lower expectations we set for love, the more it will surprise us.

To me, love is simple. It’s easy. Love is when you care about someone so much, that you’d do just about anything to help them, or show you appreciate them. Their magnetic energy just pulls you in and all you can do is want to be around them all the time. When you all smile and when you all laugh, all you feel is infectious joy and happiness.

I was inspired by you. Your outlook on the world was beautiful and unique. You see it differently than the average member of society. It made me think differently. You made me not afraid to be myself and want to take risks. It’s as if you gave me the opportunity to become me. You allowed me to step into this new light and feel comfortable and safe being this new me. If I didn’t have that going into a climactic point of my life, I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to leave. You helped me realize how strong I was and could still become. Looking back at all that I wrote and thought about, it’s not about you, it’s about me. Honestly, I loved you because I learned how I love myself. 

So yes, my love for you continues to linger and flow through my veins. It very well may linger for the remainder of my life. Yet, it’s a blessing to have this love. Undoubtedly it challenges me and shakes me to the core. But it also allows me to open my heart to new experiences, and travel down roads I never would have before. You Changed Me for the Better. This Love Changed Me for the Better.

Now back to how you never loved me… I can sulk over this for the rest of my life if I want. I could allow the thoughts of being unlovable or not enough to take over. But what good would that do? Because you and I both know that isn’t true. 

We are enough. 

We are loveable. 

Just because it didn’t work out, doesn’t make any of those things true. When we are in love, I believe we know it. Your heart can feel it and neither your brain nor your gut can deny it. 

Love is like puzzle pieces. You have this piece that you are CONVINCED fits with you. It looks like it should; the colors go together. It feels right; the ends match. However, there is the tiniest gap, and if you wiggle the pieces, they don’t fit perfectly. If you continue to convince yourself that these pieces are meant to be together, you will never find the piece that actually fits, which means you will never finish the whole puzzle (maybe the whole puzzle is life? I never got that far in my head). Once you accept that piece doesn’t fit, you’re one piece closer to finding the perfect piece. Once those two pieces are finally connected, it just all makes sense for the whole puzzle. It all starts coming together. Just remember that the original piece is still part of the puzzle, but it deserves to find its matching pieces just like you.

Love can be anywhere, with anyone, anything, or any place. A friend, a family member, a partner, an animal, a location. Your love will not look the same as my love. And your love will look different tomorrow. But one thing is consistent: it is a wondrous blessing in life to be loved and to give love to the world around you. 

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